[MikeV]

I am a man - or so I have been led to believe. I married first because of convention - and then I fell in love, with someone else. That someone else is Russian - and I shall have no difficulty in living with her first - out of necessity, as my current wife is against divorce - but, here is the rub, I cannot be just a partner (or so I am led to believe) and claim residency in Russia - and I cannot get married.

Therefore, my answer is that conventions stink - what matters is the attachment that people feel toward one another and that the piece of paper is just that - a piece of paper. But, I tell you this, if I do get a divorce, I would marry my lady in an instance - perverse or what?

[Temik]

I'm not sure that these findings are correct. Any relationships between man and woman depend on a way of its transformation through the time and not depend on a marriage status. When the hormones effect has finished (its average duration is about 5-7 months) the real relationships are beginning and its success is a result of each side work ( because to keep really good relations is the work). I am sure that a marriage stamp in a passport couldn't influence your relationship and your decisions and it is only for living in a social society.

[Cheetah]

Fox, on 17 November 2010 - 05:16 PM, said:

Most of us here believe that basically there is no difference whether you are married or not (myself included). But look how involved in that discussion we are! And have you noticed how desperately some representatives of menfolk argue against the idea of marriage and how aggressively some women are insisting on it? As for women it’s more or less clear, they would tell you about the children’s status etc. But if you ask men why they protest against marriage they would talk something about freedom and all that bull. But neither of them would give you any comprehensible answer.
After all if this topic became one of the hottest, and we fling ourselves into it with such zest - IS THERE really NO difference ?
I would like to know what men think about it. There are so few of them among us!

I think that the topic was a kind of trick made by Maladict. Another very important quote mentioned by reseachers wasn't mentioned in the first post:

"But researchers think this is where another factor comes into play. Rather than treating cohabitation as a profound and lifelong commitment, couples treat it as another stage of dating. So they're quicker to agree to do it than they would be to marry. But once they're living together, they find out breaking up can be next to impossible. Financially they adjust to having just one rent and utilities payment, and all of their stuff is there. A sort of inertia sets in."

I think that it is the true reason why couples who lived together before marriage have higher percentage of divorces.

The discussion I've read in this topic was about love and the meaning of marriage when both people are in love. I agree that in that case there is no difference whether the people are married or not.
But let's talk about another aspect. Do you really think all people start living together only because they love each other? There are a lot of other reasons to make such a decision.
I think that the researchers of the University of Denver meant divorces caused by other reasons. It was not only about the situation when both people love each other and then suddenly divorced because love has gone.

About the menfolk's opinion requested by Fox... I always used to think that if you are making a decision to live with somebody you automatically agree with the responsibility for that person. There is no difference between a marriage right next after the moment you began to live together and a marriage after 5 or 6 years living together before it. But I also think that almost all people who live together without marriage have other reasons for behaving in such a way except the reason of the public advertisement of their relationship. I'm not idealizing people and therefore I think not all of them are honest with themselves to admit all the reasons for avoiding marriage right now. Even the most unpleasant ones.

[Maladict]

Gee, Cheetah, that's hard, being accused of trickery whilst driven snow could take my correspondence course, my motives were that pure! Well ... nearly.

Now that I'm done being flippant, riddle me this: what is a valid reason for cohabiting without getting married? You hint at it intriguingly but I seem to have got confused by your reasoning a trifle. Are there cases where it is really the best solution for all concerned and makes the most sense?